Why Male Awareness Of Menstrual Cycles Matters
In a recent male awareness and breathing coaching session, we stumbled across the topic of menstrual cycles. You may think this strange, but actually it is this sort of awareness by males (and women because they are often almost as unaware) that could make all the difference in relationships and workplaces.
The reason we ended up discussing menstrual cycles is because he wanted to approach a close female in his life about a topic which he wasn’t sure how she’d react to, even though it was for her benefit and because he cared about her. I suggested approaching her when she was in her menstrual spring or summer. Effectively, this is when oestrogen is at it’s highest, she would likely be more open to ideas and to feel more capable of juggling yet another thing to think about. I suggested to avoid her menstrual autumn and winter altogether.
I’d like to share with you a typical example of why awareness of the menstrual seasons can be so helpful, especially for a man to understand how best to navigate certain conversations with a woman. If you are living or working with women, it would be a very good skill to understand and know how to navigate a woman’s menstrual cycle especially if she doesn’t know how to. It is not just about the difficulties of a menstrual cycle but also the strengths. So many women don’t recognise or feel able to utilise their strengths due to the way in which they are expected to work or live. An understanding from both sides could be so beneficial.
I can recommend this podcast episode ‘A Man’s Guide To The Menstrual Cycle’ on The Great Man Within Podcast.
I’ll write more on the strengths later, but for now an…
Example of awareness during my menstrual autumn
(This talks about nothing ‘icky’ - only the realities of menstrual hormones, emotions, understanding, self-compassion and support)
Today I am on day 22 of my menstrual cycle, which is right at the end of my autumn. I usually have a 23-25 day cycle which is on the short side of average. I am about 99% sure a new cycle will start tomorrow, probably a day early. I had suspected this for a couple of weeks because I noticed through my body awareness tracking that I had likely ovulated early this month and entered autumn a little early.
Today, feeling vacant, I pulled two tea bags apart, but instead of separating, one ripped in two and the tea leaves spilt all over the worktop. As I looked down at the mess I had created from such a mindless act, I laughed at myself. This is just one of a range of emotions today.
Just prior to this I had come downstairs, hugged my husband and explained that only a few moments before I had wanted to scream and now I wanted to cry. Depression had snuck in for 5 minutes in between. After a morning of frustration which then flamed frustration in my husband too, I lay down for around 20 minutes listening to music and concentrating on my breathing. I find that towards the end of my autumn, my healthier breathing pattern can deteriorate, even though I often have very pleasant and productive autumnal days until the last day or two. On the last day of my cycle, I usually ping pong between depression, frustration, anger, need for isolation, chattiness, laughter and flatness. If I can find the right release, I can often calm these feelings.
During my menstrual autumn I have recognised signature self-critic phrases. They usually go like this, “why am I so stupid?”, “what is wrong with me?”, “why am I so clumsy?”, or “I don’t understand why I’m being like this”. My husband wouldn’t always hear these remarks. They’d often be when I was on my own repeating yet another ‘spilt tea leaves’ kind of event, maybe even just in my head or muttered under my breath. If I actually asked him, he’d say “I don’t know” or “because you’re cray cray [crazy]?”. An affectionate attempt at making me laugh. I now recognise these internal elements of my self-critic, acknowledge them, address them and state to myself “I am clumsy because my body is telling me to slow down ready to rest in my winter”, “I am not stupid and there is nothing wrong with me”, “My body is doing exactly what it should be doing.” That self-critic voice is quieter now than it used to be.
I still sometimes spend most of this last day if we are together apologising for being a pain in the bum, over criticising, causing an argument or being all over the place emotionally. I’m still uncomfortable with how much it can affect the calm in our house. He now simply hugs me silently as I tell him, “it’ll be over soon, I will feel better tomorrow”. In reality the best thing he can do on my last day is to not be near me and let me sit with my emotions and just let them flow through me. Hopefully he hasn’t left something undone whilst not there for me to stew on. Not my finest day.
Being more aware allows me to show myself more self-compassion, to limit emotions becoming too severe, try to appease arguments as quickly as possible unless the argument needs to be had, and to communicate better with my husband. Neither of us enjoy this day, but we know there are things we can both do to make it more tolerable. Booking in time with friends or clients suits me well. Being able to take my mind off me and what my unfairly blamed husband has or hasn’t done is crucial. Writing articles or doing something which feels like I’m using my emotions to good use, e.g. creatively, also helps. I just stay away from power tools and sharp things.
Then winter arrives along with the first day of my bleed and it is like I can breathe a sigh of relief. The pressure cooker of emotions has been released and if I let myself, I can have a wonderful few days of insightful thinking, inner focus and compassion. If I fight this and try to do too much, I end up feeling pretty awful not only throughout my winter, but the whole cycle round can be affected. Through tracking and adapting my habits, I can say I often experience at least some of the preferred elements of winter some of the time. Who knew this ‘time of the month’ could not only be enjoyed but looked forward to.
P.S. Having just finished and reviewed this article (a strength of the menstrual autumn), I feel much much calmer. Finding the right channel can be the key to entirely changing a day around. Now that I have the communication channel open with my husband we have a chance of putting a ratty morning behind us and enjoying the rest of the afternoon.
P.P.S. This has not always been possible for me and is not possible for a number of women. It takes time, effort and dedication to feel more in tune with oneself and reap the rewards of living in sync with your menstrual cycle. It also is not limited to the menstrual cycle in order to feel more in tune with your body and work with it rather than against it.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch.
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